I’m still reading Chapter 5 of Please Unsubscribe, Thanks! but my fingers were itching to tap and type what I have been thinking, so I dragged my body to my laptop. Here I am.
I am in my early thirties and most of my days are spent working from home, coordinating with people in the digital space, while allowing myself to be distracted by social media and consume content from time to time. When I am not watching Instagram skits, I check my friends’ stories to stay up to date on their lives and send them messages to let them know I’d still like to connect.
But sometimes I really feel bad because I consume them like content. It has become a kind of habit I no longer examine. As if sending an emoji or a short message is enough to keep the friendship alive. Aside from the messages I exchange with friends I still have in common, say research, the rest of my online exchanges felt superficial. It feels like doing something just because I feel like I have to.
But do I really have to reinforce a dying connection? Especially when nobody is on the other line anymore, with friends from years ago expecting me to be simply a spectator and consume their online updates the way I would any other content.
I keep thinking about ant trails that are slowly disappearing because no one walks through them anymore. The path is still there. Just unused.
And while my social network is still limited (and probably shrinking) at the moment, I wonder whether I really need to stay connected with people I no longer encounter. Of course, except for the people who stayed like family through the years. But how about with those who no longer wanted to be bothered and wouldn’t take the time to connect with me? Should I still hold the line, or can I just let it snap and break and move on without feeling guilty?
These days, I just want to let go of bygone connections, like an old pair of beloved jeans that no longer fit.
I had been sitting with this feeling for a while before I found someone who had already named it. Julio Vincent Gambuto puts it plainly: why are we spending our energy on every person who’s ever passed through our lives—people who wouldn’t even pause to say hello if they saw us on the street?
I still send birthday greetings to friends who never respond to my messages, because who doesn’t want to be remembered?
Even when nobody remembers mine, including those I call friends.
Perhaps friendships evolve as you get older, like letting go of a childhood best friend who no longer wants to be connected with you, just because you no longer share anything in common. And letting go of dear friends always feels like a break-up, doesn’t it?
Given my human capacity, I can no longer keep up with everyone on my online friends list. And I have to accept that it’s okay. People come and go, sure. I just never thought I had to prune mine again.
jessa 
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