jessa

When insecurity and I
Met eye to eye
Cold air suddenly slapped my face
Blood draining out

Insecurity had weird eyes
They roll from side to side
I wanted to ask, "What have I done to you?"
I could almost hear her tell me, "You irk me."

"Doesn't matter what you say or do
I just simply hate all about you."

And that's when I realized
It's not really about me
But about the turmoil
Raging inside her heart.

That was the moment I had—passing by her, feeling her insecurity so thick in the air it made me cringe. I went completely blank. No words came. I walked away questioning myself, wondering if I’d done something wrong. Have I done something wrong? I don’t have a problem with anybody up to this point, so definitely, the weight I felt wasn’t mine.

And so I thought about how insecure people stand on shaky ground, which also makes their hearts unstable and chaotic. They always compare themselves with others, like a competitive sport where one has to lose, and it can’t be them. It surely feels exhausting to always compare yourself with everybody else, but insecure people probably don’t know that because they’re so full of themselves. They could even be addicted to it. They find it hard to think of anything else but themselves, always keeping score of how they are better or worse.

Some people hide it better. But they can be so full of insecurity that the poison spills out of the way they look at you, the way they converse with you, and the way they act around you.

A note on the featured image: The photo shows a beautiful bougainvillea I came across along EDSA, Metro Manila, Philippines. It could be an envy of insecure bougainvillea, don’t you think?