jessa

The first few chapters of Katabasis felt like walking through an unfamiliar terrain; I wasn’t sure I’d find my footing. But I did. And after four days of reading in broken intervals, I finished it.

My friend Amira recommended it to me last year, after I’d finished her 1st book recommendation in dark academia: Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo. I wouldn’t dare explore these themes without her; she has good taste in books, and she makes sure her suggestions suit mine.

Since I’ll be starting my PhD in the fall, I can’t help but see myself in Alice, balancing her teaching assistantship with writing her dissertation and working with her supervisor.

Will I lose myself like Alice?

Will I forgo enjoying the moment, like enjoying good food, just to meet deadlines? Will I be grateful for even the mundane and learn to enjoy my campus walks, through the greens and the geese?

Will I eventually find myself and gain confidence in my work like Alice in the end?

Hopefully.

And there’s a line in the book that stayed with me: “The life of the mind, unfettered from commerce, was the only kind worth living.” I think this is the same spirit that animated me to pursue higher education. Sometimes, when I am deeply preoccupied with research work, I get washed with the exhilarating feeling of knowing and knowing better. And so I wake up the next day inspired to pick up where I have left off.

And perhaps, what I’ll be taking from the book into my PhD is this:

Those who had nothing substantial to brag about bragged the loudest. Stay silent and ignore the chattering crowd—this was proof you had something real to be proud of.

I hope to remember not to sing my own praises nor throw my own parade. Let the work speak. Let it be enough.