There are times when we overanalyze our shortcomings and the shame we feel of that (often minor) unintentional but embarrassing blunder is exaggerated. The feeling even overwhelms some of us which end up as a beastly howl or total isolation.
Yes, there are stories we tell ourselves, and sometimes, we get so hard on ourselves, especially when things don’t happen as we thought they should be. Melody Wilding, the author of Stop Being So Hard on Yourself, calls such people a “sensitive striver — a high-achiever who is also highly sensitive.” Where one’s hypersensitivity to a shortcoming causes that person to “spiral into self-recrimination.”
Melody shared some strategies (that require consistent attention and practice) on how to avoid self-criticism (which is associated with less motivation, worse self-control, and greater procrastination):
- Name your inner critic
- Avoid generalization
- Flip the “what if” narrative
- Set a timer and a goal
- Expand your definition of success
Here’s the summary of Stop Being So Hard on Yourself from Harvard Business Review:
Being hard on yourself is not only ineffective, but it is also a hard pattern to break. How can you take a more balanced, emotionally equanimous approach to your performance? To start, create psychological distance from self-criticism by personifying it. Then, consider your performance on aggregate versus zeroing in on a singular negative event. It helps to keep an eye on the bigger picture. Next, try to consider what could go right in equal measure with what could go wrong. Then, try to time-box your negative feelings: set a timer and allow yourself to fully experience and process your emotions during that period. And finally, expand your definition of success by broadening your scope of what qualifies as a “win.”
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