Hopelessness dims the future, making it difficult to imagine what good might come out if you even try to press on through the dark to see if there is an end to it.
One can also remain hopeful even when in the dark.
While I was going through moments of uncertainty, it certainly felt like I was suddenly left in a dark room, not knowing where the exit was. The helpful green neon sign didn’t exist, so I stood still, waiting for my eyes to get accustomed to the dark.
But my eyes only saw darkness even when the time passed; my eyes were of no use. Darkness enveloped me, suffocating and constricting. The desire to control my situation, my life, and everything around me screams within me, like an inconsolable child in a tantrum.
Darkness.
It was so hard to imagine futures past the darkness.
And what felt like abandonment—like what the Psalmist wrote (‘MY GOD, my God, why have You forsaken me? Why are You so far from helping me, and from the words of my groaning? [Matt. 27:46.] O my God, I cry in the daytime, but You answer not; and by night I am not silent or find no rest.’ Psalm 22:1-2 AMP)—was actually a time for me to get to know myself better, about how I always want to be in control.
Even my prayers speak about how I want to be in control, “Let me find clarity,” “Let me see the possibilities,” with the ulterior motive to let myself be god and help myself climb out of the walls of my misery.
Letting go of control was a painful battle.
But do you know what is in place of letting go? Trust.
Trusting God with all our hearts is a complete surrender, a life decision to be all in all the time rather than relying on our own “insight,” our ability to understand, to fathom, to solve, to figure out. Trust remains when our reason betrays us, when we don’t understand the mysteries of God and faith, when we don’t see what God is up to—including when God for all intents and purposes is not faithful or trustworthy.
The Sin of Certainty
And so my hopelessness turned to trust, making the not knowing no longer so painful and frightening, because I know that God is in control.
And He Himself existed before all things, and in Him all things consist (cohere, are held together). [Prov. 8:22-31.]
And that I do not have to understand everything and play god.
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.
All I need is to trust and wait where I am, even when the not knowing is hard; even when I don’t fully understand the when and how.
Trust the Lord, regardless. Then comes hope.
jessa 