Why are men’s emotional crises viewed as responses to external pressure while women’s are attributed to inherent emotional weakness?
I never really understood society’s expectations towards women until I experienced the pressure to conform to the idea that women should never express intense negative emotions to avoid being labeled as “hysterical,” “dramatic,” and “unstable.”
Speaking from my worldview, I find it hard to keep in for too long the fizz that has been building up inside me, especially when it has been a year’s worth of fizzle, you know? Just a trigger word and I would crack like a soda can that’s been shaken up and erupts with a loud hiss.
Okay, I could get more explosive than that, I guess? But I’ve learned that explosive reactions rarely solve any of my problems.
Meanwhile, I’ve known a man who turns inside, caving in and building a wall to keep people out, especially when he is in a stressful moment—or, you can say, when he is distressed.
While it saves his face from being labeled as “hysterical,” “dramatic,” and “unstable,” and perhaps gives him some credit for becoming “hard as a rock,” I think such a quality is only helpful when needed, like leadership, but not for long-term and relationship-building.
Because you need to be vulnerable to be truly known.
And I no longer want to pretend that I’m okay with keeping in all the hurt and sucking up all the pain because I have to be in control. No, thank you, because that’s just one good way to implode and die from depression.
What I’ve discovered is that there is a meaningful middle ground between explosive reactions and complete suppression. No, this is not about creating public drama or seeking outside validation for your emotions. You only trap yourself in an echo chamber, peddling words of comfort you want to hear without really solving the problem. I strongly believe that genuine conflict resolution happens directly with people involved, not by airing grievances publicly.
Being true about what you really feel, being honest with what you really think about what you are going through, and acknowledging that you are an emotional being and not a rational robot, is a step to being heard.
As a woman, I want to embrace my emotional depth without letting it rule me. I want to express my feelings without becoming what society fears—emotionally unhinged or scandalous. I think the key is to direct my emotions through proper channels and have the courage to confront the person directly, in a private setting, without an audience to perform for or validate my grievances.
jessa 