“It’s never my fault”

When things don’t go as we hope they would be, it might be too tempting to blame everyone else but ourselves.

Doesn’t it make us feel better to be the victim of our situation, instead of having the agency to think of ways on how to get out of it? Because if we are the victim, then we don’t have to hold ourselves accountable to our choices, and even take charge of our free will.

And if we tell ourselves that we are not responsible for our choices, then we don’t have to face the possibility—or reality—that we may be in a rut because of the cumulative choices we made or refused to make. Why things didn’t work or why we are trapped in a cycle of unfortunate events would always be somebody else’s fault and never ours.

Because if we only admit that we have a choice, then we have to confront our weaknesses and monsters, requiring fortitude, honesty, and grief.

But it’s easier to point fingers.

If we blame others, we don’t have to uncomfortably confront the truth about ourselves. Don’t we want to preserve our self-image and protect our ego? And when we shift the discomfort outward, we begin to feel the emotional weight lifting, even temporarily. If we blame others, we no longer have to sit in guilt, shame, or even regret. We don’t have to change anything about ourselves because change is really, really uncomfortable.

While this state of powerlessness makes us feel that solutions are always out of our hands, it also drives us into a downward spiral of being out of control of everything that happens in our lives. And as victims, all we could do is lash out and let the resentment build inside us while feeling bad about everything and everyone.

So we go back to blaming others again.

Always others’ fault and never ours.