We know what we want. And we want to live comfortably.
However, comfort often comes at a price. In the Philippines, a flood-free area with a peaceful neighborhood is expensive, which adds to the total cost of living. Maintaining our well-being also requires money, such as an occasional treat to a body spa or a level-up meal (at least from your regular routine).
Then, wages barely keep pace with inflation.
Even obtaining a university degree doesn’t guarantee everyone a well-paying job, at least for the first five years, when youth and vigor yearn to explore the world as one’s energy (and budget) permit.
The single-income trap
I can remember when tightening my belt was the surest way to work within the budget during my first year of employment, because perhaps, I was ill-equipped to explore other ways to earn.
I was raised in a family where attending school and being a student was the priority, and even an excuse not to grow up and find ways to earn a living. And so, I carried this habit into the workforce—to depend on a single income, both for financial stability and security.
And so I felt stuck.
The global phenomenon of feeling stuck
Just like the youth in China, Korea, and Taiwan, I felt stuck.
I thought it was just an individual struggle but now it seems that I am going through a generational experience of economic anxiety to meet outdated expectations.
While the other youths paint a glamorous life online, I wondered how to achieve the same level of success. Or what does success really even mean? Or do I only want to create a performative success that looks good online? It seemed that my peers had life easy. Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t. Who knows if they’ve been working themselves around the clock offline most of their days, right? But it kept me thinking about ways on how to go around my situation.
I was forced to explore another way
In 2020, I was forced to burn candles in search of online jobs to compensate for my monthly salary. The pandemic disrupted our routines in one way or another, and for me, it has disrupted my idea of comfort, which was previously dependent on a single paycheck. And it was then that I discovered another way beyond relying on a single salary; it was liberating to expand my options.
But liberation came with its complications.
Yet, even with one full-time and one freelance job (which often entails various projects), I still feel stuck. I can say that this feeling wells up from unmet societal expectations, like how the previous generation expects what a mid-20s, going on 30, person should achieve.
The pressure to perform
I felt like we were pressured to conform to traditional milestones (getting a degree, getting a job, getting married, raising a family, accumulating properties, and the list goes on) and perform based on society’s expectations of our generation.
However, traditional milestones don’t seem to align with new realities, calling for a need to redefine the traditional adulthood markers.
What if the markers themselves were the problem?
This means recognizing that stability might come from strong community ties rather than employment, and that mastery of selective tech engagement may matter more than constant digital presence.
From The Uncanny Valley of Growing Up: When Traditional Milestones Meet New Realities
Intentional disconnection
These days, one way I do to feel unstuck is through intentional disconnection. To avoid the pressure to perform, I limit myself from posting my daily whereabouts online. Instead, I focus more on building relationships, especially with people that I care about and value.
Narrowing my circle somehow allowed me to reclaim my freedom and reality and hear less of the noise from the public square. The irony? In trying to connect with everyone online, I had disconnected from the people who really mattered to me.
Of course, I would continue writing here, because like I’ve said, I write to breathe.
Maybe, feeling “stuck” isn’t a personal failure. It could be a signal that the old rules no longer apply. I’ve finally come to terms with how the traditional markers my mother used to teach me aren’t a territory I need to navigate but only a map of possibilities. And maybe, the solution isn’t to work harder within a broken system, but to quietly build a different kind of life altogether.
jessa 